


Insult Battle

by LordOfVibes



Category: A Very Potter Musical Series - Team StarKid
Genre: AVPM References, Affectionate Insults, Alternate Universe - Canon, Crackship turned serious, Dorks in Love, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, Insults, M/M, Out of Character, Post-AVPM, Short & Sweet, Short One Shot, Starkid - Freeform, avpm, crackship, i also love quirrellmort they are my children, i just got into starkid and wow i love them so much, i literally can't write established relationship, i'm putting alternate universe here because i haven't seen avps and avpsy yet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:35:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29067405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordOfVibes/pseuds/LordOfVibes
Summary: Quirrell and Voldemort have an insult battle. It ends better than they expected.
Relationships: Quirinus Quirrell/Voldemort
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	Insult Battle

“Asshole.” 

“Douchebag.” 

“Dumbass.” 

“Dickwaffle.” 

Voldemort couldn’t help but laugh at that one. “I haven’t heard that one before!” 

“That’s right,” Quirrell crossed his arms smugly. “Because I’m the insult master! Stupid… butt.” 

Voldemort laughed again. “Asshole.” 

“Ha!” Quirrell pointed at Voldemort. “You already used that one! You can't reuse insults!” 

Voldemort threw his hands up in the air. “Aw, come on! Who said that?” 

“Um, you did,” Quirrell reminded him. 

Voldemort was about to say something, but he stopped. He did say that. “Oh yeah, I forgot I said that. Well, since I made this game, I can change the rules!” he announced.

“No, that’s not how it works,” Quirrell shook his head. 

“Yes, it is! Because I say so!” Voldemort shouted.

Quirrell suddenly burst out laughing. He held onto the counter to not fall over. Voldemort started to laugh too. They broke out into laughing fits so hard that they couldn’t speak for a while. “We’re so childish!” 

“I know!” Voldemort said in between laughs. Then he remembered something. “Wait, we’re still doing this! You’re the childish one!” he pointed at Quirrell. 

“You’re a dickwaffle!” Quirrell retorted. 

“You already said that!” 

“But you changed the rules to where we could reuse insults!” 

“No, I didn’t! I never said that!” 

“You blamed me for murder, I think that’s an insult on its own,” Quirrell smirked. 

“Hey! Hey!” Voldemort called out. “You can’t do that! You can’t call my past self out! I’ve changed since then!” 

“You talk a lot,” Quirrell said. 

“I talk a lot?” Voldemort asked. “You’re the former fucking professor. Also, you still don’t put away your dirty clothes,” he quickly added. 

“I do more than I used to,” Quirrell tilted his head. 

Voldemort groaned. “Just shut up sometimes, okay?” 

Quirrell leaned in a little too close to Voldemort’s face, their lips almost touching. “Make me.” 

Then Voldemort did something very unexpected. He leaned forward and kissed Quirrell. And Quirrell was too helpless to do anything but kiss back. 

The kiss was sloppy. Very sloppy. But the two enjoyed it. They enjoyed it a little too much, to be honest. 

They eventually pulled away, panting for breath. Quirrell couldn’t talk. “Heh,” Voldemort said. “Looks like that did shut you up.” 

Quirrell finally regained his voice and laughed. “You haven’t shut me up just yet.” 

“Oh, come on!” Voldemort rolled his eyes. “You’re gonna make me shut you up again?” 

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I was planning to do,” Quirrell told him. 

Voldemort chuckled. “If you wanted me to kiss you again, Squirrel, then you could’ve just asked.” 

Quirrell pulled Voldemort in and the two kissed again. 

Voldemort pushed Quirrel up against the counter and Quirrell moaned, much to both of their surprises. “Wow,” Voldemort said. “We just got together less than a minute ago and you’re already turned on? I didn’t know I was that sexy.” 

Quirrell rolled his eyes and blushed. “You are that sexy, honestly,” he muttered. 

Voldemort kissed his new boyfriend’s forehead. “Thank you, babe,” he smiled. “Now, how about you put that tongue to better use and we go use that bed for something other than sleeping?” 

Quirrell took Voldemort’s hand “Alright. You’re still a dickwaffle.” 

“Idiot.” 

“Coward.” 

“Bitch.” 

It went on and on for longer. The two were so caught up in the insults that they almost forgot to have sex. Almost. 

Quirrell truly didn’t know why it had taken so long. Ever since Voldemort was “killed” and met up with him in Azkaban, and the two moved into Quirrell’s house together again, something was lying underneath the surface of their relationship that both were too scared to act upon, too scared that the other would push them away. It was a stupid insult battle that finally got them together, and Quirrell wouldn’t have wished it happened any other way.


End file.
